talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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