I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
