why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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