I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize