babies were throwing up all over the place
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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