Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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