"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
