How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
