I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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