Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
