And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
