I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
