Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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