so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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