you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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