I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
