I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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