I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
