Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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