My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
