Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
