I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
