my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i out mim tonsoeep
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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