Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
