remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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