the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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