I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
