so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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