I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
