I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
