overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
