not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
