I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
