Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
