I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
now i know why i became what i already was.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
