I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
