You just made me feel so damn special
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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