You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
