p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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