Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
