I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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