You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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