Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
