I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
