You made me cry and you don't even care
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
