I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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