Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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