I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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