Porn is love you can see.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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