I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
