i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
