Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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