I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
