I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
