The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
