hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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