I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
