You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
