dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
