I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
