Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
