pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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