That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
