i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
