Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
