Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
