I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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