I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
babies were throwing up all over the place
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
