She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Even my vagina gasped.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
