why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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